Date:4 June 2014
If you’re anything like me, you approach sport in a That’s What Other People Do kind of way. But d’you know what trumps that sentiment? Zero gravity baby.
Don’t start getting your water microgravity wings on just yet. Alas, I’m not suggesting there is some sort of new outer-space sport out there. Of course, this is videogameland I’m referring to. A game by the name of G-Ball, if you want to be particular. And don’t look at me that way; I don’t know what’s up with that name either.
Anyway, G-Ball. According to the developer press release, “G-Ball is a fast-paced zero-gravity sport set in orbit in the year 2035. Astronaut athletes challenge you in a mash-up of basketball, football, and dodgeball as you soar through a zero gravity arena in three-on-three team matches.”
What you need to take away from that is “astronaut athletes”, because as we all know your average astronaut is a lazy good-for-nothing slob who couldn’t bother to lift a single techno-mittened hand to wave in the direction of a dodgefootasketball. Moochers. But we know better.
Ordinarily I’d tell you about the game right about now, but I watched the trailer and I got motion sickness because I’m old and weary. So here. Watch the trailer:
To quote the developers again: “The purpose of this game is to let players experience a sports game in zero gravity. It’s much different than what you might expect! The ball has to be aimed a certain way, and recoil throws you back! It’s Newton’s first law (Because Science) and Hockey all rolled into one.”
So there you have it: it’s sort of like basketball, football, dodgeball and hockey but with Newton’s first law (totally unlike all of the rest of the sports that are based on physics), IN SPACE. Only different, because you were totally expecting that, weren’t you?
The game will feature voice and text chat so that you can be sworn at by eight-year-olds in foreign languages, so that’s alright then. Also, it will support Oculus Rift, because it will. And there will be an iPad version? I’m not sure how to take that, honestly.
Make of it what you will, friends.